Think Again

I received this email a month ago, I tried contacting Kelly with regard to her problem and I was not able to until last week. I am now publishing her email:

Melissa,

I stumbled your site and desparately seeking for every possible website on the web to help me. I am very confused with my relationship now. Let me begin to tell you the facts, I am 28, have a boyfriend who's 19. We've been together for almost one year. I am now in the brink of devastation. I want him badly to marry me. I know that he is younger. He once told me that he wants to marry me. I told him this yesterday but he never replied to my sms after that. Need advice.

From,

Kelly

It took me several weeks just to get in touch with Kelly. She left me an email address and mobile number. I left her several email and voice mail messages. I was able to get back to finding her last week and ask if she needs further help from me. I found out that the boyfriend she was referring to broke her heart. Kelly and I talked several hours on the phone and I was able to provide comfort at the time she needed someone to talk to. She have such a sweet voice and I know that she can survive this trial just as anyone else have.

Dear Kelly,

I am sorry to hear that you and your boyfriend had called it quits. I may not understand but I feel for you. I still decided to publish this as there are many girls like you who had the same problem or at a dilemma. First off, I never see age as reason for not being into relationships. Although some may condemn a couple into one. In love, there are no boundaries, anyone can love, be into a commitment, it's just a matter of respect for one another's feelings/beliefs and individuality. I've known several in your position who until now are together, some of them are happily married and raising their own families. There is no secret really to the success of their relationships, it is only them who made their bonding into a realization.

I see no problem with two people in love though at different stature, especially on different age. It's either the man or woman who's more mature in terms of age. For you, since you called it quits, give yourself some time to mourn over a lost relationship but after that, stand firm with the hope for a brighter tomorrow. I am all ears for you Kelly, I salute you for being brave enough in facing this challenge. You gave yourself the opportunity to love and be loved back, be happy for that chance. I know it didn;t work out the way you'v forseen it but still, be thankful for those times.

Falling in love have consequences, one of which is failure. The relationship may have ended but not your life. You are doing him a favor, you gave him his freedom. Not that he dosen't love you enough to fight for that love. Women mature faster than men. He's 19, he isn't in his legal age yet. He hasn't enjoyed his life yet. He hasn't finished college. Now what will be your life if this would still be the scenatio once you guys got married? Again, you are doing him a favor, instead of you holding him back for his future, you are letting him go for a brighter future, his future. You are not selfishly in love with him, in fact, you are just being fair to him and to yourself. Instead of burrying yourslf into much pain, and the thought that you may not find someone to love you back, just as he loved you. See, you had a relationship with him, it is possible again for you to find love, but when that time comes, it will be the right person. Don't rush, let time heal your wounded heart. Start one day at a time and you'll get there.

Sincerely,

Melissa

Just A Love Song

My Readers,

One of the signs of falling in love is music. We are more appreciative and tend to sing our hearts out. Every where we go, seemed like we hear harps. And everything seemed breezy. We are always happy, we smile to everyone. Yes, those are the good things of getting into love. So good that we don't want it to end. So good that we place ourselves into the song, but at the end of the day, we must remember, it's just a love song. Our lives are ore than that of a song. The music that inspires us are reminders, how it influenced our lives. 

Just my thought for the day. Will be back answering your emails again. Keep 'em coming.

Regards,

Melissa

Love Vs. Need

"I met Joyce at the park a couple of hours ago and she was crying. I was hesitant at first to approach her but I know that there is a reason why I was there. She told me that she thinks her boyfriend is taking her for granted. She is confused as to what she feels."

Dear Joyce,

When one loves a person, he needs his partner. But when hee needs the person, it doesn't necessarily means that you love them. There is actually a thin line differentiating this two. You may love without needing, whereas you may need without loving. So what am I getting into? It doesn't matter if you love or you are loved, what is important is that in loving, you are needed. 

But if you feel that the other person is taking advantage of the situation wherein all you feel is that you are losing, I suggest that you think things over or simply talk to him. I am not in the position to tell you what to do as I don't exactly know the real score between you two. One advice I can give you is to love yourself first. If you love or value yourself, you earn respect from others. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that you don't, what you may try is to give yourself enough time. Call it your "me-time". I do it when am troubled. I do it to pamper myself. And yes, it helped me see things and made me realize what I was missing. From there, you'd be able to pick up where you left and be stronger person.

Needing without loving is true. Loving without needing is true as well. But you can love and need at the same time. Hope this helps.

Sincerely,

Melissa

Confused Love

Letter from Gigi:

"Melissa, I saw your site on google. Anyhow, I want too see if I am in love or staying for the sake of love." - Gigi

Hi Gigi,

Dearrie, I'm finding it hard to answer your email as you've not indicated details. But I'll give you something to read about. And you can write me back should you wish too.

Love is complex and complicated too. I believe that when a person is in love, questions that sounds like doubt is alarming. It could be that you are not really into him. Because when you love a person, you accept everything, I mean everything. I understand that there are disagreements and misunderstandings, but keep in mind that the reason why you fought is the action not the person. When you blame the person instead of his wrong doings, then that is something else. Two things: the problem is you or you're plain insensitive. I'm not saying that you're either; it's my theory. What am I getting into is simple, take time off. With that, you are doing your relationship a favor. Instead of continuous unresolved fights, both of you can think to see if it's worth giving your relationship a second try or just end it.

Others stay, especially girls, they stay in the relationship for the reason that they need partners. I had known a few who did that. Past tense: had and did! The last I've from them, they didn't end up with the partners of their choice. It's really hard to stay for the sake of staying.

To end, no one can tell you if you are in love or not. You and only you can feel that. My advice, when in doubt, don't. :)

Melissa

Phases Of Love

Everyone know the feeling of being in love. Restless nights, smiling with no reason, constantly checking phone, mindful of get-up, smells good, those are just symptoms of love. There are a lot of classification of love. But for this blog, I'm going to discuss love, that mutual feeling.

We have gone through the phases of love. Grade school days, we have puppy love or better known as childhood sweethearts. When we head off to universities for college, that's when we experience our first love. It's like a trial and error part, wherein most of us do not succeed at the first try. Often than not, we jump from one relationship to another with the hope of finding the one. Then comes the mature love, in this phase couples start planning for the future. Marriage, kids, financials, are aspects of the talks. Girl becomes a woman and attend to her families' need. On the other hand, boy becomes man and take care of hid families' finances. Years after, the uncoditional love is born. Wherein couples have learned to accept life's indifferences and vowed to commit on their marriage promises.

The explanation above is the what should be. But the reality is still up to the couples. If they want to succeed and have a smooth sailing relationship, then they have to work hard for it. Even the best couples have their own share of problems. No one is spared from this. Handling arguments is a matter of understanding and openness from both parties. I often say that all big problems came from those little ones. What I'm saying is that, couples must try to resolve issues before hitting off the sack. If they are not able to do this, most likely, it would pile up other small unresolved problems. Then boom! it's going to explode right off their faces when the time comes. And they say, it's too late. One can't fix things when there is nothing to fix and one ca't fix things when there is nothing more to fix. You see what I'm saying?

So what am I getting into? Simple, just learn when to understand and when not to. Understanding leads to an open mind. Thus, you'll be able to see things on both perspective. No only that this is good for your relationship. It is for your betterment as a person. People would learn to like you and keep you in their friends list and not the other way around.

Text From Cristy

"Hey Melissa, Thank you for taking time out to see me. My boyfriend Carlo is still mad at me. He mentions that he doesn't want to see me. Do you think he's seeing another? Or is it just me? I know you've heard stories like this but I am still confused." - Cristy

Cristy,

Earlier you mentioned that Carlo asked for a cool-off. First, I don't believe in cool-off. There's no such thing as cool-off. It's one way of telling you that he wants out of relationship with you, period. Though there are guys who resort to cool-off just to think things over. In your case, Carlo may have gotten tired of your complaining. Those petty quarrels and non-sense arguments might have triggered this. Admit it, guys hates nagging and that's what you're doing. Girl, he may not be seeing someone but he's tired and just may be wants time to think. I may not know Carlo personally, yeah I met him twice and I did not have to chance to talk to him. Ok, for your peace of mind, I advice you not to text him nor call, give him time. If he loves you then he'd ba back. But if not, think on a postive note. He may not be your Mr. Right. There are lot of things that should keep you busy. Your studies, your family and your life. I know at first it's hard, but on the long run, you'll learn to know the reason why he left you. It's too early to tell, but be prepared. I am just here.

Melissa

 

Note: For confidentiality purposes, the names of the persons invloved have been changed. This text message is published with Cristy's approval.

Welcome!!

Most of my friends have been seeking my advice on what to do with their relationship problems. My friends finally convinced me to blog on relationships. They say that I can reach out to people sharing the same dilemma. This blog is dedicated to all women who in one way or another is confused. So here it is, my blog to help people especially women. You may send me email at onloverelationships (at) gmail (com) and I'll try to give you my take on it.