Confused Love

Letter from Gigi:

"Melissa, I saw your site on google. Anyhow, I want too see if I am in love or staying for the sake of love." - Gigi

Hi Gigi,

Dearrie, I'm finding it hard to answer your email as you've not indicated details. But I'll give you something to read about. And you can write me back should you wish too.

Love is complex and complicated too. I believe that when a person is in love, questions that sounds like doubt is alarming. It could be that you are not really into him. Because when you love a person, you accept everything, I mean everything. I understand that there are disagreements and misunderstandings, but keep in mind that the reason why you fought is the action not the person. When you blame the person instead of his wrong doings, then that is something else. Two things: the problem is you or you're plain insensitive. I'm not saying that you're either; it's my theory. What am I getting into is simple, take time off. With that, you are doing your relationship a favor. Instead of continuous unresolved fights, both of you can think to see if it's worth giving your relationship a second try or just end it.

Others stay, especially girls, they stay in the relationship for the reason that they need partners. I had known a few who did that. Past tense: had and did! The last I've from them, they didn't end up with the partners of their choice. It's really hard to stay for the sake of staying.

To end, no one can tell you if you are in love or not. You and only you can feel that. My advice, when in doubt, don't. :)

Melissa

Phases Of Love

Everyone know the feeling of being in love. Restless nights, smiling with no reason, constantly checking phone, mindful of get-up, smells good, those are just symptoms of love. There are a lot of classification of love. But for this blog, I'm going to discuss love, that mutual feeling.

We have gone through the phases of love. Grade school days, we have puppy love or better known as childhood sweethearts. When we head off to universities for college, that's when we experience our first love. It's like a trial and error part, wherein most of us do not succeed at the first try. Often than not, we jump from one relationship to another with the hope of finding the one. Then comes the mature love, in this phase couples start planning for the future. Marriage, kids, financials, are aspects of the talks. Girl becomes a woman and attend to her families' need. On the other hand, boy becomes man and take care of hid families' finances. Years after, the uncoditional love is born. Wherein couples have learned to accept life's indifferences and vowed to commit on their marriage promises.

The explanation above is the what should be. But the reality is still up to the couples. If they want to succeed and have a smooth sailing relationship, then they have to work hard for it. Even the best couples have their own share of problems. No one is spared from this. Handling arguments is a matter of understanding and openness from both parties. I often say that all big problems came from those little ones. What I'm saying is that, couples must try to resolve issues before hitting off the sack. If they are not able to do this, most likely, it would pile up other small unresolved problems. Then boom! it's going to explode right off their faces when the time comes. And they say, it's too late. One can't fix things when there is nothing to fix and one ca't fix things when there is nothing more to fix. You see what I'm saying?

So what am I getting into? Simple, just learn when to understand and when not to. Understanding leads to an open mind. Thus, you'll be able to see things on both perspective. No only that this is good for your relationship. It is for your betterment as a person. People would learn to like you and keep you in their friends list and not the other way around.

Text From Cristy

"Hey Melissa, Thank you for taking time out to see me. My boyfriend Carlo is still mad at me. He mentions that he doesn't want to see me. Do you think he's seeing another? Or is it just me? I know you've heard stories like this but I am still confused." - Cristy

Cristy,

Earlier you mentioned that Carlo asked for a cool-off. First, I don't believe in cool-off. There's no such thing as cool-off. It's one way of telling you that he wants out of relationship with you, period. Though there are guys who resort to cool-off just to think things over. In your case, Carlo may have gotten tired of your complaining. Those petty quarrels and non-sense arguments might have triggered this. Admit it, guys hates nagging and that's what you're doing. Girl, he may not be seeing someone but he's tired and just may be wants time to think. I may not know Carlo personally, yeah I met him twice and I did not have to chance to talk to him. Ok, for your peace of mind, I advice you not to text him nor call, give him time. If he loves you then he'd ba back. But if not, think on a postive note. He may not be your Mr. Right. There are lot of things that should keep you busy. Your studies, your family and your life. I know at first it's hard, but on the long run, you'll learn to know the reason why he left you. It's too early to tell, but be prepared. I am just here.

Melissa

 

Note: For confidentiality purposes, the names of the persons invloved have been changed. This text message is published with Cristy's approval.

Welcome!!

Most of my friends have been seeking my advice on what to do with their relationship problems. My friends finally convinced me to blog on relationships. They say that I can reach out to people sharing the same dilemma. This blog is dedicated to all women who in one way or another is confused. So here it is, my blog to help people especially women. You may send me email at onloverelationships (at) gmail (com) and I'll try to give you my take on it.